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我遭遇的美国幼儿园“虐童”事件

原标题:我遭遇的美国幼儿园“虐童”事件

上周四傍晚接了宽宽,在车上:

宽宽:妈妈,今天Liz(老师)拿枕头扔在我身上。

我:真的吗?什么时候?

宽宽:嗯,午睡的时候。

我: 痛不痛?

宽宽:枕头是软的呀!

我:Liz为什么扔枕头到你身上啊?

宽宽:呃。。。呃。。我。。没什么

我:你睡不着吗?

宽宽:对

我:你讲话打扰别的小朋友睡觉了吗?

宽宽:没有

我:我明天跟Liz和Susan(校长)说去。

宽宽:Liz会不会生气呀?

我:管她呢!她无论如何都不能拿枕头扔你。你要是做错事情,她应该要好好跟你讲,不能扔东西。大人也会做错事情,做错事情就要受到惩罚。不用担心她会不会生气。

宽宽:就是的!Liz怎么可以拿枕头扔我呢!

宽宽是个高敏感的孩子,在<highly sensitive child> 这本书里提到,这种孩子可能会把一些平常的事情误会为是受欺负了,所以家长要把事情搞清楚,是不是真的受欺负了。不过这个Liz老师,平常表情严肃,被我看到几次对班上小孩吼叫,宽宽也抱怨过这个老师太凶,所以宽宽跟我说的时候我不太意外,愿意选择相信他。周五早上送宽宽时,Liz在给孩子们念书,未来不打扰课堂,我就去找Susan校长,她还没来。于是晚些时候给她打电话,怎么都打不通。于是写了封邮件。

Dear Susan,

I tried to call you several times today but couldn't get through your phone. So I am writing to let you know that Kuan told me yesterday that Liz threw pillows onto him during nap time. Kuan said he could sense Liz did it with anger. I believe what Kuan had said is what had happened as he won't make up anything like that. I also saw Liz yelling to other kids several times myself. I would consider what Liz has done to Kuan is violence.

I am writing to you as you are the director and should be responsible for how children are treated by your employees in your day care.

We CAN'T tolerate such a violent manner from a child care provider to a kid. We have all been trying hard to teach kids to treat others nicely. What would Liz's violent action and words impact our kids psychologically? You as an educator should know better than me. It hurts children's overall health by just evidencing violent action and words. Being treated with violence himself, Kuan felt hurt, unsafe, and he would learn solving problems with violence from XXXX. No wonder what the reputation of this daycare will be by allowing teacher's violent action and words.

Therefore, we request

1. Liz to apologize to Kuan in personal.

2. Put Kuan to Pre-K 3 to separate from Liz.

Please let me know what you would do at your convenience.

Sincerely,

Liyan Lin, RD, CDN

(邮件大意就是老师朝孩子扔枕头造成了伤害,这种行为非常地不对,要求老师道歉并给孩子转班级。)

写完邮件,一直等不到回复。于是在接宽宽的时候去了她办公室,原来因为暴风雪,学校电话和网络都断了,她还没看到邮件。于是跟她说了情况,并让宽宽指出Liz用来扔他的枕头是哪个,后来确认是蛮大的毛绒玩具。她说会问老师,同时还跟我说她小时候修女们会拿尺子打学生,还问我中国什么情况。我心想你跟我说这个什么意思,难道想说打孩子都不算过分吗?告诉她,老师拿尺子打学生是我爷爷小时候才有的事情,现在是绝对不能接受。她就笑笑说现在不能接受。

当晚,收到回复,

I spoke to Liz and she said it didn’t happen. She doesn’t “throw” pillows on children. She did put the animal spread on him. She will talk to you about it on Monday. She is really a very attentive teacher and I know how concerned about Kuan last month. She was happy when he came back. I could hear that.I know she is loud, direct, and to the point with everyone but I also know she is a good teacher. She is like a mother hen. I can hear her all the time from my office.She will talk to you on Monday.Susan.

老师和校长肯定是不会承认的,尤其是在纽约这种人精扎堆的地方。

于是我再跟宽宽确认,老师是不是只是把动物枕头放在你身上并不是扔的呢?宽宽确认老师是“用力扔”的,于是我回复Susan:

Why did she put such big stuff animals on him?Kuankuan told me this evening that she threw the pillows onto him again today. I just asked him if Liz put the stuffed animals on him or throw them. He is sure that she threw them with force. And that is his perception.Best,Liyan Lin

后来Susan回复:

Kuankuan has always known what will get your attention. He knows you and what will upset you. Smart child. All teachers put blankets on children as the weight of the pillow or blanket will relax the child and help them fall asleep. Physical therapists have taught us this. It settles a restless child down. Liz did not throw it on him she put it on him to settle him. It’s not so heavy.I’ll talk to you more about this on Monday. I really do trust Liz. She is a good teacher. I can hear all that goes on in that classroom.

看到她说宽宽是为了引起我的注意才说老师扔枕头,我是很不高兴的。简单回复。

Thanks for your explanation, but I don't think Kuankuan told me about this with an intention to get my attention. He doesn't even want to talk much about it. Anyway, Let's talk about it on Monday.

但是对于Susan说的关于物理治疗师(PT)用枕头或毯子让孩子安静下来这件事,我自己不确定,于是问了一位做PT的朋友。她告诉我,如果孩子在学习的时候特别容易分心,不能专注,在他们膝盖上放条毯子是可以的。但是没有用毛绒动物或者毯子帮助孩子入睡的说法。

周一上午送宽宽去学校,找到Susan和Liz,请Liz演示她是怎么放枕头的。在宽宽午睡的地方,她告诉我,宽宽睡觉总是用腿踢边上的木制玩具厨房的柜子,会吵到别的小孩,于是她就用大的毛绒玩具压住他的腿。作为亲妈,我很清楚宽宽的睡觉姿态,他2-3个月时包着襁褓睡觉都能把小床砸得梆梆响,于是相信老师没有出于发泄或暴力目的扔毛绒玩具。本来我还喊宽宽过来跟老师一起确认毛绒玩具是被“扔”还是“放”在他身上的,但是在吃点心的宽宽光顾着冲我笑,就是没行动,也就算了。

接着,我还是跟Susan说, 我问过物理治疗师(PT), 没有用毛绒动物或者毯子帮助孩子入睡的说法,而且拿那么大的毛绒玩具压在孩子身上睡觉也不安全。

最后的解决办法是把宽宽换个地方睡午觉,就算他踢腿也不会踢到什么东西,也不要再给他身上压任何东西了。

总结:小孩的话未必包含全部信息,但是必须引起重视。让孩子知道父母重视他的感受,会为他解决问题,才能让孩子有安全感。宽宽看到我跟Liz和Susan谈话时露出的笑容,我就知道,我是做对了。